Hey all. So I realized it’s been a while since I posted, really posted that is. The year has gotten much busier lately. I find my time taken up a lot more by my LVC life, my friends, ultimate frisbee, etc. But it has all been good. I wanted to share a bit of an email I sent to a friend, regarding a client that I see regularly.
“Work continues to be good, but hard. Last Monday I had my hardest day of work by far. I’ve been working with this client who is developmentally disabled, has a bad family situation (mother/grandmother seem to be minimally verbally abusive among other poor treatment and the mother may be an alcoholic) and is depressed. For a while, I thought he was faking a lot of the stuff with depression, hallucinations, hearing voices and stuff because his SSI case just got denied and he is in the process of appealing (thus the sicker he seems the better). I thought he had people from his building telling him things, however, he’s been notably worse lately. And working with him is just tiring, see, he’s not even homeless. He was, and we helped house him, and he has been coming to us since (even though he has a case manager where he is living). It is just exhausting partially because each time it’s like working with a very very difficult 12 year old and he goes back and forth between hating me and liking me. There are many more stories to tell in between but what made Monday bad was that he came in somewhat suicidal. I think that he wasn’t going to do anything (if I had, I would have had to take him to the hospital as we are mandated reporters). But I spent an hour talking to him about this, trying to get information out of him to see how serious he was, trying to get him to go to a hospital or call the suicide hotline if he needed to, etc. Thankfully he came back on Thursday safely and Friday I made him an appointment next week to see a therapist (I have told him I’ll go with him in order to get him to go), so I think we’re on the right track. But it was just awful. I felt like crap, so drained. I am so emotionally invested in the guests and community clients. It sucks when things don’t work out (though of course, on the flip side, it is amazing when they do). But i can be so hard you know? I called Ian that night and was telling him about it and I just lost it, I just kept thinking, what if I didn’t say something right, what if I said something to trigger him, what if I should have taken him to the hospital??? And of course, I can only just keep doing what I am but it was just so hard. I love this job, but out of protection for myself, I don’t think I can do this direct service for the rest of my life. I love it, but it’s hard. SO hard.”
So the update on this particular client is that I did successfully get him into some mental health treatment. After BEGGING on the phone (problems with him not being homeless, but in subsidized housing, but on Medicare, etc.), I got him to see someone who felt that the problem was chronic enough he should come back for an intake. Which I got him to do (BARELY) and he actually has seemed to follow through. The therapist/social worker from this particular clinic that comes to LPCS to meet with our guests saw him there. So it appears he is following through. He should get medication early April. I hope it will help and it’s been a nearly 8 month battle to get to this point. He asked me last week “so you think that will help? I can be my old self again?” Which was hard to hear. I don’t think medication is the only answer, but he should be able to engage in regular counseling there, which takes pressure off of me and gets him someone to talk to who is actually a trained professional. My hope is that he continues to follow through, that he’ll stay in his housing, and his social security case will get approved…
The other thing I have been thinking about lately is that he really is my only “success story” so far. And that success, while big in some ways, is small in a lot of ways. I have put so many hours in…and the results can be so small. I know that they will come, and I don’t doubt the value of my work. But this particularly speaks to the hard parts of it.
Anyway, that is an update on the job front. Now I am in the midst of making life decisions, as my graduate school decision is due by April 15. I am currently wrapping up a visit in DC to GW and will visit WI and MN next week. I’m excited for this time next week, as I hope the decision will be clear! I will post another update soon after that.
